Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
