He asked me if I "almost moaned"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
