i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
