Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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