What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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