You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
