Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
