You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
