i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
