were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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