I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
