Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
