I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
