idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
