I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
