I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Who did Billy Mays play for?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
