i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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