Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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