i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
