Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
