Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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