And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
