You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
