Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
