I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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