I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
FUCK WHALES
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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