Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
