He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just threw up on my dentist
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
