Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
