I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
