You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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