shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
