If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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