hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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