my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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