so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
