I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
