Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
