i will never coherently bang her
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
