mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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