Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
