u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
