I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
