he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
