It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
