Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
