just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
