I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
