Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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