1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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