That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
