i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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