ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize