if i died would you start the facebook group?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
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