I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
