just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
