turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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