textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
