You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
