things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
