living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
