Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
