is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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