I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
