so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
