I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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