You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
