oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
