i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
