Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
